NYC, U.S.A
Instagram: @maame_02
Tell me about yourself?
I am an American-born Ghanaian, raised in Queens, New York. Growing up, I found myself gravitating towards the arts in various forms— painting, music, makeup, dance, etc. In most of my involvements, like my church’s worship team for instance, I’ve enjoyed taking various parts and bringing them together to create something whole. This has developed into a love for connecting ideas, developing things and bringing them to their full potential, and creating or finding beauty in even the simple things. I recently graduated from Stony Brook University with my BS in Business Management and Marketing, and I hope to start my own firm in the near future and attend graduate school.
What was the hardest thing you’ve faced because you are a woman?
I’d say that at this stage in my life, the hardest thing I’ve faced as a woman is feelings of inadequacy. These feelings aren’t exclusive to women, but they’ve definitely been compounded because I’m a woman. I’d categorize it as the hardest thing I’ve faced as a woman because it has taken years to overcome. Some might say that “feelings” are not a hardship, but this feeling of inadequacy manifested itself in very real ways in different areas of my life.
Women are taught from a very young age that our value is found in our looks, our ability to find and “keep” a husband, and our capacity to nurture a family. Others of us are taught that our value comes from what we can achieve. There’s external pressure from society and culture to be a certain way. There’s pressure from friendships and relationships to be a certain way. These pressures can change based on what country you’re from, or what family you’re born into, and most of us want to find acceptance somewhere. Neglecting to catch the lies I was telling myself about my value based on this pressure led to comparison, overthinking, and low self-esteem. I didn’t even realize it at the time, but I was attaching my self esteem to things that change constantly— especially others’ opinions about me.
Sometimes when we take these “suggestions” (as I like to call them now) from society to heart, we begin to perceive pressure that may not even be there. I felt overwhelmed by this pressure (real and perceived) for some time, and had to learn to take these societal suggestions for what they were— suggestions. It was an issue of identity and purpose. I didn’t understand who I was and what I was created to do, so I accepted many of these lies about who I had to be. It was easier for me to compare myself to others because I didn’t recognize my “why”. It’s similar to having an anchor or a firm foundation. If my foundation is constantly moving, or if I don’t have an anchor, when the wind of others’ opinions blow or the waves of comparison crash over me, there’s great potential for me to be moved or damaged. Whereas when my foundation is firm and I’m anchored in my identity, waves of emotion don’t cause me to act out of character or forget who I am. I needed something secure to root my identity in.
My understanding of who I am came from my understanding of whose I am. My purpose comes from who I belong to— Jesus Christ. God has created me for a specific reason, and because of that, I know exactly why my voice sounds like it does, and why my skin and my hair is the way it is. I know why I like the things I like, and why my forehead curves the way it does. I know why I’m a little bit awkward and have a LOT of other quirks. I no longer derived my value from my achievements or my looks. Instead, I began attributing my achievements and looks to my value. Because I understand that I’m fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who created me for a specific purpose, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can feel beautiful without the validation of others because I was made by the greatest artist.
It wasn’t easy to come to this conclusion, and this journey to understanding was actually a result of rejection. I’m blessed to have parents who always made sure to tell me of my value, but through pain, I was tested and began asking myself these questions of identity and purpose. It was a lot of hard work dismantling this pressure— even more so because it is still prevalent all around me. However, I’m grateful for the pain because this understanding has empowered me to grab hold of opportunities that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t know who I was and who I belong to. As women and girls, we are expected to juggle so many different responsibilities, and we can feel intimidated by our goals or even other people. I’m still on this journey, but I’m less intimidated by the dreams and plans I know God has placed on my heart. Let’s be kind to ourselves and trust that we are beautiful and more than enough to accomplish what we set our minds to.
What’s the greatest advice you’ve received?
“Pay now, play later. Play now, pay later.” My dad has always said this to me and my siblings. For the first half of my life, I only attached this idea to school and work, and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t do both! I realize now though that he didn’t mean that we should totally neglect rest and play. We should try to enjoy life while we can, but should be sure to do the hard work we need to do now in order to be prepared for our futures.
I also see it in a different light now. It doesn’t just apply to work and school. I’d rather focus some energy on learning some valuable life lessons now rather than ignoring my issues and waiting to deal with them later, even if it means I have to experience some pain. I’d rather start the emotional work now of learning to heal from trauma, and dealing with rejection or heartbreak, so that I’m not completely struggling with the same issues when I get older. I’d rather work towards facing my fears and getting over doubt now so that I can grow to be comfortable doing these same things later in life. I don’t want to have to learn the same lesson 10 times. This doesn’t mean that life will be incredibly easy as time progresses, but many times, paying now comes with the reward of playing later.
What drives you in life?
To be honest, I’ve struggled in the past with the question: what’s the point? God has answered that question with Himself. He’s the point for me– He’s what drives me. I live to please Him and the idea that He helps me to do that gives me joy and honestly helps me to keep going in life. He helps me to be a better person without the expectation of perfection, so when I mess up, I can get up, dust myself off, and keep going. He’s constantly pulling me out of my comfort zone and it’s nice to wake up each day knowing that He has something for me to do. I haven’t even figured out what specific direction He’s called me to, but the idea that I can help to facilitate His purposes drives me.
A.G. Project 